Role-playing - Advice for Cross-Gender Role-Playing

As readers of my previous GMing article will know, I've been role-playing for long enough to try to analyse the underlying structure of the hobby and make pretentious pronouncements based on my conclusions. This exploration has naturally involved looking at the online articles and videos available on the subject. YouTube being the algorithmic stalker that it is, I've had an increasing number of videos on that theme pop up on my front page as a result.

This caused me to encounter a creator called Bacon Battalion RPG, who has produced a large series of instructional videos called GREAT PC. Each one looks at a different aspect of being a player. Along the way he has created videos in response to questions asked by viewers, leading him to make one in response to the question “how do you play a member of the opposite sex?”

It was a train-wreck. The fact that he responded by making a video called 'How To Roleplay A Female Character In Your Table Top Game' indicated that he might have some blind spots, but the whole thing was painful in many different ways. I'm not writing this article to tear him down, so I'll leave you to critique the video for yourself.

After being informed in the comments that he actually had female viewers, he went on to make a similar attempt at explaining how you play male PCs. At the end of the latter video he issued an apparently frustrated call to his viewers to make their own videos on the subject and increase the resources available. I'm not in the video business at the moment, but I'd winced enough at his effort to feel obligated to accept this challenge in my own way. It's not a specialist subject for me though, so here goes nothing. I noticed that all my own specific examples were based upon playing females, but I've genuinely tried to make the techniques themselves as broadly useful as possible.

One of the first things I remember that attracted me to RPGs was an advert for D&D in a comic I was reading. It opened with the line 'if you've ever read a book or watched a film and thought 'I wouldn't do that!' when the hero does something stupid, this game is for you.' One of the main attractions of playing is the opportunity to have a go at being the protagonist and discover how well your own genre-savvy judgement would work out. Players get into their character's head and respond to the situations before them by asking 'what would I do?'

Because of this, the early characters most players create are similar to themselves except where the game role requires otherwise. This means that cross-gender role-playing (or cross-playing for short) is something a player usually only attempts after they have mastered the basics of play. Since it is either a self-directed process or the result of random pre-gen assignments, players of equal overall experience can have wildly differing skill levels in this area.

Some players actively do not wish to engage in cross-play for various reasons. That's fine unless your reason is awful. For everyone else, here are the best pointers I can offer for refining this particular skill. I consider it to be an inherently valuable ability because most players desire to become at least theoretically capable of GMing – and a GM will almost always need to cross-play, albeit on a more superficial basis.

It IS mostly the same

During the second video, Bacon noted that many commenters had responded that you should just play your cross-gender characters the same way because we are all people. He found that frustrating, asking what the point of cross-play was if you didn't do anything different. Without going off on a tangent about why it is still worth doing (more diverse world, better gender balance in the party, different romantic dynamics etc) these commenters did in fact have a point.

At a basic level, all humans have far more similarities than differences. Despite entrenched stereotypes about rational males and emotional females, actual descriptors like logical, calculating, wrathful and compassionate are gender-neutral because they reflect human experience as a whole. Although the gender divide might feel unbridgeable, we actually understand each other pretty well compared to how well we understand other species. Indeed, even playable non-human races universally have more human-like features than alien ones – otherwise most players couldn't empathise with them well enough to portray them.

From a player perspective, a character who sometimes acts more like your own gender is likely to be far better received than a character who is a misfiring stereotype. If cross-play is a skill to be learned, it is better that you spend your time gradually learning to differentiate than gradually learning to restore basic humanity to your cross-gender characters.

The impact of professionalism should also be considered. Most PCs are very skilled in their fields and often save the day by applying their expertise. Many skills involve proceeding in the 'right' fashion without any real input from the personality of the wielder. Many professions even train their members to adopt a supposedly optimum persona when they are working.

Your character's gender may impact upon the causes they champion and the methods they advocate for advancing them. This is important because such character moments are the heart of role-playing. When the party execute their plans, however, the extended action sequences that follow pay little attention to gender variations. The Tank and Healer will tank and heal in the most tactically efficient manner – regardless of whether they are motivated by stereotyped masculine protectiveness and feminine care-giving.

If you aren't playing male, be prepared to put in extra prep work

Since role-playing is a form of collaborative storytelling, the masses of stories that already exist in other media are an important source of inspiration for players and GMs alike. Indeed, many popular RPGs are explicitly concerned with recreating the worlds described in particular books, films and TV shows. This means that if your character isn't (intentionally) based on yourself your role-playing cues are likely to be drawn from specific fictional figures.

Unfortunately there is a distinct numerical bias toward male characters in most media. This is especially true regarding who gets to occupy the protagonist role. (If you don't believe me, go to the DVD section of your local shop and count the male and female faces on display). I'm not denying that there are tons of awesome female characters out there – but from the perspective of 'name five gender-appropriate characters that embody your chosen archetype' it's a lot harder if you're playing a woman. Those that do exist may have less screen time than you'd expect and consequently leave you with fewer solid cues.

If you want to play as a non-binary character from a sexual species, you might struggle to name any if you haven't explicitly gone looking for them. Even when a fictional species has no sexes, universal male coding is vastly more common than portraying them in this way.

I, uh... run around a bit? Fall over?

This all means that non-male players have spent far more time being taught to empathise with and understand male characters. They may even be experienced video game players, where the requirement to engage in shallow cross-play is frequently an admission price for non-males. This has the potential to make cross-playing as male seem like an easier and smaller step to take because there are far more resources to draw upon.

The first thing to do in trying to overcome this disparity is to actively seek out the portrayals that do exist. Hunt down media that will provide you with inspiration for characters. Favour material created by members of the gender identity concerned, since you will obviously learn more from how they portray themselves.

The second way to broaden your horizons is to move beyond fiction and into the real world. However one-sided the representation of your favourite fiction might be, most people personally know loads of real women. If you know a woman well enough you can probably imagine how she would react in a variety of situations – just like you can with a well-realised fictitious character. Pick someone you think is cool and use them as the basis for your social role-play. Unless you are an exceptional actor it is unlikely that anyone will recognise that you are doing this, but the result will have an inherent sense of believability. You probably don't know as many non-binary people as you do men or women, but if the idea of playing a non-binary character has occurred to you it is likely that you (knowingly) know at least a couple.

Use stereotypes as questions, not answers

One of the worst things you can do when cross-playing is treat received gender stereotypes as an obligatory character brief that must be obeyed to avoid 'doing it wrong'. This is an extremely reductive attitude that you would never apply when playing your own gender. Combined with the fact that these stereotypes are rarely entirely complimentary, a character ruled by them will end up looking like an exercise in ignorance and prejudice.

On the other hand you shouldn't make a virtue out of shunning the stereotype at every single turn. Although few real people are perfect embodiments of the popular image of their gender, equally few entirely subvert these expectations in every way. From a performative standpoint you also want to firmly fix your character's gender into the minds of the other people at the table. Without any visual cues and only amateur levels of acting at your disposal, a brush with cliché can really help cement the concept in their minds.

As a result you should treat every stereotype as a decision to be made – embrace or subvert? By mixing your answers you will produce the impression of a complex and believable person. Of course it's better if your answers aren't totally random. Consider what your choice means for the character in terms of their attitudes and the life that they've led.

As an archetypal example let's look at the Strength attribute. It is known that the male sex usually find it easier to build muscle and may average a higher value in this area. Some older games give male characters a bonus in this statistic whilst assigning an equal bonus elsewhere for females (Constitution is a good example, Appearance is a less good one). Thankfully this has gone heavily out of fashion so the choice will probably be entirely yours.

So let's say you are a male making a female character. Perhaps you choose to embrace the stereotype and assign a lower score than you normally would. If you do this most potential antagonists will be stronger than you. This will raise the threat they pose at close quarters, potentially altering how you play. This is a valuable experience as a player because it replicates the actual experience of many women. If you are going to try walking in their shoes, you could do worse than learn something from it.

Alternatively you might choose to assign a high value. This is an entirely valid choice – you are creating an individual not a model of the gender as a whole. Although the distribution is not even across all values, the game world will have many people with each possible score and there will certainly be women who qualify for the maximum. The highest rating is not reserved solely for the literal 'world's strongest man' any more than only one character can possess the lowest value. (This also assumes that your character is cisgender – many settings lack the technology to alter hormones but don't have to follow real world history in their degree of recognition).

Of course you can still use the high score as a guide for further questions. Did she build up this might on purpose? Strength values are absolute (a Strength 18 woman can lift the same amount as a Strength 18 man) but men usually find it easier to build muscle mass. This means that a woman who trained herself to Strength 18 had to work even harder to get it. What motivated her to put in that much work? Does she regard the process as 'finished' or does she seek a way to go further? How will she react if she meets a foe who is even stronger? (side note to GMs – maybe don't deliberately trigger that crisis point in the second session).

You could decide that your character was always just naturally very strong. This is valid – many factors besides chromosomes determine physical strength. If you go this route, your character's unusual prowess will have been noticed early in their life. Were they like Brienne from Game of Thrones, mocked for their bulk until it affected their social confidence? Were they like Mikasa from Attack on Titan, protecting their friends from bullies until body-guarding their chosen family became second nature? Were they like Gamora from Guardians of the Galaxy, employing their natural advantages to emerge physically unscathed from a hell that killed or mutilated their weaker peers?

You can apply this process when assigning any trait to any character. Cross-playing simply seems to inspire a greater degree of effort in making sure that your character sheet matches your concept and background. This is also a beneficial skill to develop. It is fashionable to say the stats don't matter as a means of encouraging players to focus on characterisation over gameplay exploits. However, your stats determine both how your character should compare to other people on a mental and social level and how your attempts to do things will actually work out. There is no right order for creating your background and your stat block – but it is vital that you end up saying approximately the same thing in both languages.

Don't play a porn star (badly)

Although you should probably think twice if your first cross-play concept is highly sexualised, I'm not saying that you literally shouldn't play a porn star in a game. Sex workers can be the heroes of adventure stories just like anyone else. What I'm actually talking about are characters who treat what should be serious 'real world' interactions like they are filming a porn shoot, piling on the flirtation and attempting to turn every personal encounter into immediate casual sex.

This form of play is not actually limited to cross-playing. PCs are generally more 'powerful' than the people playing them and players often derive a lot of pleasure from the vicarious empowerment they provide. Playing an utterly gorgeous character who can pull whoever they want is a form of this like any other. When creating a member of a gender you find attractive, however, the Pygmalion-like pleasure of sculpting a personal figure of fantasy becomes available. For most players this involves cross-play. Cross-play therefore tends to see the worst of this as the player is objectifying their character rather than identifying with them. Speaking purely from personal experience, young male players are the worst offenders of all.

Fiction has many genres and the genre of your game will determine what kind of content the players expect. Erotica is not typically a genre chosen for tabletop gaming which means that explicit and detailed sexual content is not what your fellow players will be expecting. You should therefore avoid pressing such narration into your play. If you really want to play a character in that way, the ERP communities of basically every MMO are the best place to scratch that itch.

Characters can have varying levels of libido and there is nothing wrong with your PC having a conspicuously high one if you are content to 'fade to black'. However you must ensure that you prioritise their trysts on a believable fashion. The story is rarely going to be advanced by your character getting laid and their sex life is unlikely to be the reason they are a useful member of the party. If you are constantly going off with NPCs instead of attending to the life and death matters at the core of the game, the other players will suffer from your transparent self-indulgence.

A more complex form of this problem is when players attempt to use sexual attraction to overcome all non-combat obstacles in the game. Many straight male role-players are acutely aware of how quickly they'd fold for the woman they've created and fiction is full of eye-candy characters who 'use sex as a weapon'. If the GM is similarly minded this can become a farcically all-powerful method of bypassing resistance – especially if he carelessly casts 95% of the NPCs encountered as straight men.

From a cross-play perspective, this looks exactly like you stepping into the body of your character rather than attempting to portray someone who has always lived in it. Since you are focused upon the attractiveness of your own character rather than their potential partner, you may also fail to distinguish such manipulation from their idea of actual fun. Seducing a despicable villain is the kind of intimate contact with a horrible person that most people would wish to avoid if at all possible. Using decent people in a manner that ultimately harms them is an unethical abuse of something that sex enthusiasts highly value.

You can undoubtedly craft a PC who works in this way due to a combination of ruthless drive and contempt for their targets. At this point it is up to the GM to integrate them in a balanced fashion. However, such a character should almost certainly be portrayed as perilously close to hitting the bottom of the game's morality system – creating problems as well as solving them. Despite his brave world-saving acts, James Bond would probably spend a D&D campaign oscillating between Chaotic Neutral and Chaotic Evil.

Take feedback and critique your own play

Like any learning process, you will make mistakes and develop over time. Some of these mistakes will only be obvious to players of the gender you are portraying, so ask gender-appropriate players for feedback on your performance from time to time. This does presume that you have such players around you, which I am content to do – although most RPG enthusiasts do seem to be male, female players really aren't that rare. If your insular D&D group has never had a female member consider inviting one or two to join in. If your thriving RPG society has never had a regular female attendee, go read some of the online articles about toxic misogyny in gaming spaces and consider whether any of it sounds familiar.

As your portfolio of cross-played characters grows, examine them to see what patterns are emerging in your play. My female PCs have varied considerably in their degree of physical strength, but they have a very notable bias toward expertise at unarmed combat and knife fighting. This means that I never really have to experience the fear of a big guy getting too close, because the heart of my personal space is also my chosen killing ground.

This skill set is generally something that my character has chosen to develop out of necessity during a dangerous and lonely past. However, this is not the only reason my ladies tend to have rough backgrounds. I prioritise nurture over nature in my characterisation because it helps marry personality to stats – and my female characters are disproportionately likely to be at the dark end of neutral or even outright evil. I suspect that this is because I find it easier to retain sympathy for a female character who has done awful things, which helps me to 'fight their corner' as their player. Of course fiction has a substantial history of fetishising villains and I'm probably channelling that this trope to some extent.

In other words my cross-play is riddled with all kinds of gendered subtexts that I am still in the process of becoming aware of. Like I said, I'm not an expert in this matter – but I hope that this article at least provides some useful cues for advancing your own cross-playing process.